My stomach hurts

Amber “Mandy Lane” Heard and Odette “Holy Fuck it’s a good thing I’m hot ’cause I’m a shitty actress” Yustman will be playing the leads in a remake of the 1970 British thriller And Soon the Darkness. Aside from essentially being a death sentence for the film, the original of which I have never seen nor heard of, this casting choice makes me wonder if people have actually seen Yustman’s prior performances in horror movies and are just casting her because she looks great when wearing the bare minimum of clothing. Amber Heard isn’t too bad. She was kinda decent in Pineapple Express, yet only moderately likable in Mandy Lane.

There was a pun in there, and it was brilliant.

The remake will no doubt be an excuse to showcase their “talents,” as it were, and do little to foster the idea that Hollywood isn’t run by a psychopathic group of unoriginal malcontents.

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earthling_press_releasev4I know nothing of this film save for the synopsis, which is thankfully emblazoned right on that there picture <——, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little excited for it. It looks to be free of Hollywood wankery and the effort of someone who actually cares enough to make a decent flick. According to producer Barak Epstein, the movie will “have some crazy alien gore.” As opposed to relatively tame alien gore?

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Quiet Earth reports that Leonardo DiCaprio’s production company Apian Way will be remaking The Neverneding Story. That sound you hear? That’s my childhood dying a slow, painful death.

Fun fact: the Appian Way of Rome is well-known for hosting the lovely crucufixion of 6,000 slaves after the failed revolt of 10,000+ slaves led by Spartacus. The bodies were left up for years, proving that once and for all Rome was a very smelly place to live in 70 BC and an appropriate moniker for DiCaprio’s apparently soul-crushing and childhood-destroyig vehicle fo cinematic pain.

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Finally, on a more upbeat note, if you head on over to ilovehorror.net you’ll get a sneak preview at what will soon become the new home for I Love Horror. The design, as you can see, is basically the same thing as what I have now, but as time progresses and I start to make sense of CSS, it will begin to take shape into something so epic you’ll crap your fucking pants. Until then, keep coming here and inflating my ego until I give the go ahead. Special thanks go out to Peter Hall of Horror’s Not Dead for all his help.

One Response to “My stomach hurts”

  1. Good luck transferring your blog, I’m sure it would look great! I have a husband in IT who is going to help me transfer mine to a domain once it gains more traction, as the restrictions on WP are driving me nuts!

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